sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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