This house was built for laser tag.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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