i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
