saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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