Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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