Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
