Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
