As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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