I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
