You're so nebulous sometimes
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
