I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
