I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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