Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
