I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
