I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
