I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Brb crying the tears of my youth
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
