Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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