Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize