Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
