White coat. Heels.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
