We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
