Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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