you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
