I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
