I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
