I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
