I smell stomach acid.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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