I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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