Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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