can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
