): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
