I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
