I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
