I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
stop calling my apartment porn island.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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