dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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