call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
