like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
