and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
