Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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