it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
