After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize