I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
