btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize