She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
