I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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