Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize