all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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