Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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