i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
