I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
