Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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