writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
