Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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