I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What drink are we having for lunch?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
