1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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