you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
