Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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