Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
