You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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