is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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