Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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