I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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