my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
