Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
