you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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