she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
