Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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