Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
